it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
