Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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