dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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