So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
