Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
