ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Randomize
