:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Bring me that man meat
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
