I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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