oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
