actually, I'm a sock model
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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