You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
