Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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