I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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