Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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