Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
North Korea, Best Korea!
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
