Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Actions speak louder than pants.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
