She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
