Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
