he shaved USA in his pubs
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
