Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
