did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize