My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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