if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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