Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
