If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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