A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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