I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize