drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
