The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I cut my penus on the lid.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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