Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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