I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
