question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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