Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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