I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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