Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
