There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
