you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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