Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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