how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize