if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
