Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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