I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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