I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
