How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
