threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
