Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
