I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
