I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize