arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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