I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
