fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
