so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
My penis needs a shock collar
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Randomize
