If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
