I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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