when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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