I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
They have beer where we have blood.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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