More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize