my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
