the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
