Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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