Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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