im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize