Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
