So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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