i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
