To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
