I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
bring money and cleavage
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
foreskin is a definite game changer
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
