I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I touched a dick in church today
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
