You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
