She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
