My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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