He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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