I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
